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1. You type out the thing. You know, whatever.

Things I am interested in:

  • Your story
  • Any question you have for me. Any way that a post resonated with you. Anything you'd like me to write about.
  • HOW DO I GET MY CHILD TO USE THE TOILET. Tried everything. I KNOW BECAUSE I READ THE ENTIRE INTERNET. Please advise.
  • Your favorite drink at Starbucks. I'm actually very interested in this.
  • About your over-comer child. His needs, her gifts, and how you're doing with all of that.
  • Other cool stuff.

Things I am not interested in:

  • Name-calling. Gossip. General mean-ness.

2. I will read your email. I READ EVERY SINGLE EMAIL.

3. I will be so grateful that you took the time to connect. I will treasure your email.

4. I will try really hard to email you back within the office hours and healthy boundaries that I've set for myself and my family.

5. If you don't hear from me, you should:

  • Know that I treasure your connection.
  • Know that I am probably busy scraping Goldfish cracker paste off my counter with a razor blade.
  • Email me again.
  • Check your email in the year 2032, when my youngest child graduates.

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