Get this. As I was brushing up on my breathing techniques this week I came across this video. I found it downright hilarious because the euphemisms the lady uses for "pain" are out of control. She made the following statements in the first 3 minutes:
"Breathing in a pattern can also be a distraction from the sensations you might be experiencing during labor, sometimes called pain."
Sensations? The sensations I might feel. Oh yes, wimpy, wussy, not-so-highly-evolved women might experience pain. But the rest of us just feel "sensations."
Then she followed up with this zinger.
"You may want to wait until the active labor begins before starting the breathing patterns. You'll know when, because the work of labor may change how you feel."
Yes, labor may change "how you feel." You may change from feeling "good" to feeling "NOT GOOD."
You may change from feeling like your body is doing normal bodily things to feeling like your insides are being "RIPPED APART."
It reminds me, again, of a hilarious Brian Regan bit.
(Start at the 3:20 mark)
"Doctors are good people. That's why they avoid the word "PAIN"...they don't want to scare anybody. Doctors will tell you all about pressure. They'll tell you all about the "pressure" you're going to experience. If a doctor tells you you're about to feel some pressure, BUCKLE UP. "
Love it. Also, on an unrelated note:
Thank you for all of the helpful information during the last nine months. Thank you for comparing my baby to the size of a lima bean, a lemon, a squash. Thank you for telling me fascinating things about how he is developing each week. However, upon reading my 39 week newsletter I promptly unsubscribed from your emails. For the record, it is NOT ADVISABLE to compare my baby to the size of a small WATERMELON the week before I'm supposed to deliver. I hate you.
Sincerely, Kate Conner
Surely there must be a happy-medium between these two extremes: "sensations" and A WATERMELON.
There is. It's called an epidural.