This morning, in a moment of brief insanity, I wanted a dog. I was driving Madeline to school and this guy was jogging along the road with his dog and they both looked really happy and comfortable and no one was sweating or yelling. Meanwhile in my van, three children were yelling and I was sweating. In that moment I wanted to trade places with that man, and my brain short-circuited. Instead of thinking, "I want solitude and exercise," it thought, "I want a dog."
So, like this:
1. Kate sees man running with dog.
2. Kate envies man running with dog.
3. COMPLETE BREAKDOWN OF LOGIC AND REASON.
4. Kate wants a dog.
By the time I got home I was still kind of wanting a dog, so I had to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with my brain.
Brain, this is an intervention.
You are sleep-deprived, and it is beginning to take it's toll on your ability to function rationally in the real world. I think the best way to call attention to your compromised state is to demonstrate the gaping, cavernous difference between what you think is real, and what is ACTUALLY REAL.
What you think owning a dog will be like:
What owning a dog will actually be like:
I want you to think on this the next time you start thinking about dog-ownership like a psycho.
So, to recap:
What you think owning a dog will be like: Jogging jauntily down the road early in the morning - nary a care in the world - with man's best friend.
What owning a dog will actually be like: Kids screaming in the van on the way to school; dog eating entire loaf of bread off the counter at home.
P.S. You are already responsible for the crap of way too many other human beings to throw a DOG in the mix. P.P.S. You already have enough human beings waking you up in the middle of the night to throw a DOG in the mix. P.P.P.S. You already have enough human beings making weird smells in your house to throw a DOG in the mix.
Yours truly, Kate