"We felt like we had received the sentence of death..."

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/24147969[/vimeo] "He didn't necessarily take away our trials or make our lives easier...but God took the burden of that suffering off of us.  He carried that burden for us."

"Your circumstances don't define God's love for you.  The cross defines His love for you.  Your circumstances are merely used to point you towards that love.  To bring you to a point of total desperation where you kneel at the cross and surrender all of your strength for all of His grace." 

"Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us..." [2 Corinthians 1:9-10]

I may touch on this in days to come, I may not.  But allow me to be very transparent for just a moment.

A very difficult part of having a second child, for me, is the possibility that this child will see.  This may sound strange to you, but it would be much easier, much less complicated, if this child were blind, too.  Because when you have one child who is blind and you make peace with that - it makes sense.  You are able to see the good, the purpose, embrace the challenges and the blessings.  Raising Madeline is a part of what I was created to do, and I love it.

But when you have one child who is blind and one child who isn't?  That awful, hurtful question bubbles up again - "Why Madeline?"  Why Madeline and not this child?  Why Madeline and not 1,000 other children?

Essentially from the day of diagnosis, having a blind child felt like "it was written" (name that movie).   But having a sighted child, too, makes it feel random.  Madeline using her cane is just part of life- until she has a little brother who doesn't need one.

Hear me - I KNOW that having another baby has no bearing on the design, plan, and call on Madeline's life.  I understand that logically.  Emotionally, however...

All I'm really trying to say is that having another baby has taken the scab off of the wound, and it hurts again.  In my head I get it, but in my mommy-heart it hurts. 

And so, this passage and this message  have been a healing balm, again. 

(If you choose to watch the message, don't be thrown by the big words right out of the gate.  It settles in and starts hitting nails right on the head, over and over.  In fact, start at the 12:30 mark, unless special needs is "your thing," or you just enjoy Piper.)