Are you ready to be a parent? Take this short assessment to find out. Read the child's entire question and/or statement before circling the correct answer. (Fun fact! All of these scenarios are from my personal experience - this week.) 1. Mom, may I have some more grape juice?
A. Sure, honey. It's full of Vitamin C.
B. No, you've had enough. You may have milk or water.
C. Stop squeezing the grapes in your fists!
2. Mom, I found the powder all by myself.
A. Good job, honey! What a big girl you are.
B. Okay, but please keep it closed.
C. Freeze right there! The baby does not need a mushroom cloud of powder on his face.
3. Moooooom, Jasper scratched me.
A. I'm so sorry, dear.
B. Brush it off - you're okay.
C. Well maybe you should stop poking him with your Abby Cadabby wand.
4. Uh Oh.
A. It's okay.
B. What happened?
C. NOBODY MOVE.
5. It's Friday!
A. Yes it is!
B. Good. Do you know what day comes after Friday?
C. We had french fries last Friday, and that was a nice treat. But we are not having any today and before you whine it's because I don't have the time or money to drive to Chick-Fil-A this afternoon, that's why.
6. I love you, Mommy.
A. I love you too, sweetie.
B. For the last time, GET BACK IN YOUR BED! I love you too, sweetie.
If you answered A to the previous questions: Congratulations, you live in La-la land where all children behave like Bradys. Send me a postcard.
If you answered B to the previous questions: Congratulations, I'm sure you're a very qualified babysitter.
If you answered C to the previous questions: Let's give our kids Benadryl and talk about them over coffee while they sleep.