Fake Butter, Fake Cheese, and Fake People

Here's how things work around here.  After four days of eating virtuously, we make Alfredo sauce from scratch.

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 Because life is too short for fake butter, fake cheese, or fake people.   AMIRIGHT?

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Also, please forgive my fingernails, which, as my precious, hilarious sister-in-law says, "look like a cat's been chewin' on them."  How's THAT for a Southernism?